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Jun 15, 2004
HOme, is this the quiet place where you should be alone, is this where the tortured and the troubled finally roam, I don't know....
I was thinking about Life and where mine is right now. I don't know where to begin, i'm so confused. I see people doing things, doing things for something, they have a cuase. I feel like right now i have nothing, i'm not doing anything i have no cause. No passion.
And I see religious people, they have all the hope in the world, they're living for something. But i've convinced myself too much that nothings there that i couldn't just start believing. Even if I wanted to I couldn't. I have too many questions too many disbeliefs.
But the thought of just living to be dead, with nothing, just to reproduce, just to be part of this thing that's going nowhere. I know that if there's nothing after this, why isn't this great. How can I make this better.
Every day I've been sitting at home dreaming. When I need to be doing, but i feel like i'm too young, I'm not old enough for anything. Kids are more then half the united states and yet they can't choose what they want for their country. Don't you think kids have something to say, Well i do. I think if one child went up to someone and told them how they felt it would effect that person. To know that they were ruining something for someone so pure as a child. And beleive me i'm not a fan of children, but I know what it's like to be one and I had questions, I had statements i had opinion.
Yeah, presidents can come read to us..poorly at that. But we can't ask them why we were adopted becuase our mom was too young but couldn't have an abortion. Why we aren't wanted because we were mistakes..accidents.
I dunno where this is going i guess i'm just rambling about my thoughts on things. Posted at 11:55 pm by Tiger_Lily
Jun 9, 2004
My weekend was shit, it was our last volleyball tournament, and it was horrible, i never knew someone could be such a backstabbing bitch, somebody needs to show me girls are worth being friends with.
My best friends moving. I know i'll see her again. but right now i feel like she's dying, like she'll just be gone.
Yesterday me and her went to the mall, she took pictures of me buying underwear. we went to the pet store cause she's obsessed with bunnies. I tried to teach her that one cage had a communist government and the other had a democracy, she told me to shutup. I say the white bunny only wanted out cause they were gunna kill him. I think i ruined her bunny fun. dogs are better.
We went to IHOP and saw Candance, she told Roger i had a crush on him.
We own IHOP. but not anymore, cause emily's moving.
I feel like i'm writing some one elses novel of their life. From behind a window looking in. Like i'm writing a diagnosis of myself in third person.
" And then..one thursday, nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change, and a girl sitting on her own in a small cafe in RIckmansworth suddenly realized what it was that had been going wrong all this time, and she finally knew how the world could be made a good happy place. This time it was right, it would work and no one would have to get nailed to anything...sadly however, before she could get to a phone to tell anyone about it, the earth was unexpectantly demilished to make way for a new hyperspace bypass, and so the idea was lost..seemingly forever"
"boredom breeds insanity" am i going insane?
How come one unknown being causes all the mass distruction in our world. Someone who's probably not even real, he's just all the emotions inside man, good, evil, sential, all of them.
Does Society Currupt man, or does man currupt society. THINK ABOUT IT.
Posted at 12:49 pm by Tiger_Lily
Jun 3, 2004
wow, it's been awhile. I've been really busy but now school's over and i'll have no life. hah. i did good on my exams. My friends moving, well i think she's moving? i'm gunna miss her. i get to go to california in july I love it there i'm gunna marry it, but all june i'm here. I had to say goodbye to dustin today, he doesn't know how much i'll miss him, he graduated.
i have to miss dashboard :(:( i'm confused lol. i'm not happy but i'm not sad lol. i'm not sick but i'm not well lol.
i'm going out to eat now. goodbye
Posted at 12:51 pm by Tiger_Lily
May 15, 2004
I would offer you my hand it would hurt to much to watch you die
Today was eventful, i went to the new outlet mall down town cause it was my once a year shopping mood thing. i don't like shopping. and i got a bunch of shorts and shirts. then emily came over and we dyed her hair it looks so good "cause i did it"
i really want my best friend but he lives far away. But if there is a soulmate he's it.
I want a boy haha. i'm an emo kid Posted at 09:46 pm by Tiger_Lily
I'm such an emo kid I broke down during Matchbook Romance because of this song.
we drive tonight,
and you are by my side.
We're talking about our lives,
like we've known each other forever.
the time flies by,
with the sound of your voice.
its close to paradise,
with the end surely near.
if i could only stop the car
and hold onto you,
and never let go...
i'll never let go.
as we round the corner
to your house
you turned to me and said,
"i'll be going through withdrawl of you for this one night we have spent."
and, i want to speak these words
but i guess i'll just bite my tongue,
and accept "someday, somehow"
as the words that we'll hang from.
and i... don't want to speak these words.
cause i, don't want to make things anyworse.
why does tonite, have to end?
why don't we hit restart,
and pause it at our favorite parts.
we'll skip the goodbyes.
if i had it my way,
i'd turn the car around and runaway,
just you and i.
and i... don't want to speak these words.
cause i, don't want to make things anyworse. Posted at 12:09 am by Tiger_Lily
May 13, 2004
I like it - I'm not gonna crack
I miss you - I'm not gonna crack
I love you - I'm not gonna crack
I killed you - I'm not gonna crack
Everything you know is wrong
black is white up is down and short is long
and everything you thought was just so important
Doesn't matter everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
all you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong!
Even in my heart, I see
You're not being true to me
Deep within my soul, I feel
Nothing's like it used to be
Sometimes I wish I could
Turn back time
Impossible as it may seem
But I wish I could
So bad, baby
Quit playing games with my heart
I don't feel good today lol. someone drug me.
Posted at 03:21 pm by Tiger_Lily
May 12, 2004
Wow last night and today were emotional haha. Last night I was going through my room and found the first thing my ex best friend ever gave me in 3rd grade saying she wanted to be my friend. and now we don't even talk and she calls me bad names whenever i walk by. And today i felt like my ex ripped my heart out again first he cheats on me and now he's leading me on again but doing stuff with the girl he cheated on me with. But I got invited to sit with other people tommorow lol. maybe this'll be a cool new thang. haha. and my knee hurts so bad. physical therapy and pills aren't helping at all i wanted to get in the fetal position and cry at practice it hurt so bad. I should just go to bed
Posted at 09:12 pm by Tiger_Lily
May 11, 2004
Why'd you have to ruin my day?
" Some People have a way of getting into your soul, finding the hole and making it bigger"
" Maybe this world is another planets hell"
"Everything I learned about breaking hearts i learned from you"
I need to move...
Posted at 03:27 pm by Tiger_Lily
May 10, 2004
Isn't this was you expect, i could sing you to sleep
"It is silver and cold"
and "the painful realization that all has gone wrong" is gone.
I realized something sad but true
"I will love you always and forever".
I've come to deal and "does he ever get the girl?" No he wont.
"Till this day i still taste that first kiss"
But now it will just be a kiss. because
"I've been waistin away on the dock of the bay" a
nd thinking about it all.
"I don't want to spend another night with you"
Posted at 07:04 pm by Tiger_Lily
May 9, 2004
The days never change.
Pathetic youth is warn away.
Like cobwebs on a grave.
They never change.
You wake up to mourning
It fallows you through the day
Nothing brings you up
everything brings you down.
People don't know
they woudln't understand
They don't help
they make it worse
The ones you love
Push you down
The days never change
Pathetic youth is warm away
like cobwebs on a grave
they never change
I know only I can change it
But it's not working
I need some help
Someone here for me.
The days can change
pathetic youth can be saved
Only we can do it
Only we can change.
Posted at 10:08 am by Tiger_Lily
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